有没有非常幽默的英语短文,请发过来,最好带译文

有没有非常幽默的英语短文,请发过来,最好带译文
有没有非常幽默的英语短文,请发过来,最好带译文

有没有非常幽默的英语短文,请发过来,最好带译文
1.The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"
"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最伟大的击剑手
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中,排名第三的击剑手上场了.一只苍蝇放了出来,剑划了一个弧,他将苍蝇劈成了两半.观众欢呼起来.紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半.现场一阵沉默,人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场.
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了.最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标,然而他还在微笑着.
“你为什么这么高兴?”有人嚷道,“你没击中!”
“啊,”剑手答道,“你刚才没有很仔细地看.苍蝇还活着,是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了.”
2.How Much Is It?
It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, "Look, Joe! Isn't that beautiful!"
He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" and took his money out to pay for it.
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!"
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?"
多少钱?
严冬来临,荷曼太太想采购一大批东西,所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候,她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹.他们去了许多商店,荷曼太太买了一大堆东西.她经常停下脚步说道：“看,乔伊!那个多漂亮!”
他总是回答：“好吧!亲爱的,多少钱?”然后掏钱去付款.
他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已经降临,荷曼先生已精疲力尽了.他心里想着其它事情,比如在家里暖暖的火炉边呷口美酒.突然他太太仰望天空,说道：“看那月亮多美,乔伊!”
荷曼先生不加思索答道：“好吧,亲爱的,多少钱?”
3.Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
4.A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
钉子还是苍蝇?
一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房.他双手各拿一瓶酒.在墙上有只苍蝇,他误以为是枚钉子.他把两只瓶子朝上一挂,瓶子掉下来摔碎了,酒洒了一地.一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后,对他深表同情,决定帮他个忙.
于是,第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时,她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方.
这里,老人回到了房里.倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事.他抬头往墙上一看,苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近,使尽全力拍了一掌.听到一声大叫,好心的女服务员冲进房来.让她大为吃惊的是,可怜的老头正坐在地板上,牙关紧咬,右手滴血不止.
Lesson 12—Goodbye and good luck
课文内容
Our neighbour, Captain Charles Alison, will sail from Portsmouth tomorrow. We shall meet him at the harbour early in the morning. He will be in his small boat, Topsail.Topsail is a famous little boat. It has sailed across the Atlantic many times. Captain Alison will set out at eight o'clock so we shall have plenty of time. We shall see his boat and then we shall say goodbye to him. He will be away for two months. We are very proud of him. He will take part in an important race across the Atlantic.
课文注释
1.Captain Charles Alison.查尔斯.艾利森船长
2.the Atlantic 大西洋,全称为'the Atlantic Occan'.
参考译文
我们的邻居查尔斯.艾利森船长明天就要从扑次茅斯启航了.明天一大早我们将在码头为他送行.他将乘坐他的‘涛波赛’号小艇.“涛波赛”号是艘有名的小艇,他已经多次横渡大西洋.艾利森船长将于8点钟启航,因此我们有充裕的时间.我们将参观他的船,然后和他告别.他要离开两个月,我们真为他感到自豪,他将参加一次重大的横渡大西洋的比赛.
I had an amusing experience last year. After I had left a small village in the south of France, I drove on to the next town. On the way, a young man waved to me. I stopped and he asked me for a lift. As soon as he had got into the car, I said good morning to him in French and he replied in the same language. Apart from a few words, I do not know any French at all. Neither of us spoke during the journey. I had nearly reached the town, when the young man suddenly said, very slowly, 'Do you speak English?' As I soon learnt, he was English himself!

One day a college professor was greeting his new college class.He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a fool,and if they were,they should stand.After a minute a young m...

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One day a college professor was greeting his new college class.He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a fool,and if they were,they should stand.After a minute a young man stood up.The Professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a fool.The kid replied,"NO,I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

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