求【雅思大作文】的修改和打分 本片作文错误连篇是肯定的,Some people think theat parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others,however,believe that school is the place to learn this.--------------------

求【雅思大作文】的修改和打分 本片作文错误连篇是肯定的,Some people think theat parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others,however,believe that school is the place to learn this.--------------------
求【雅思大作文】的修改和打分
本片作文错误连篇是肯定的,
Some people think theat parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others,however,believe that school is the place to learn this.
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In current societies,it is universally accept that social ability is playing an increasingly dominant role in children’s life.The issue of whether parents should shoulder the responsibility of establishing the talent of social or school should is of interest about many people.From the point of my view,I prefer school should do it.
School has the inner advance in establishing aptitude of society.On the one hand,school is a society minierture,a student be set in an environment like this which can improve whom more independently and confidently.It is hardly to do that under the parenting.On the other hand,to be a good member of society demand students solve the problems between peoples.However,as we all know,friendship is the cornerstone of the society,which needs putting people together,school can do this.
That is not to say it is impossible to cultivate the children to be good members of society that parenting education.Parents can impart the experiences from themselves,which are more vivid than that knowledge from books.The fact is that more often than not the experiences usually cannot to be practiced while after learning,because nobody counter-communicates with children.
As a conclusion,parenting absolutely not a unique way to teaching those children to be excelling members of society in the status quo.Thus,we should schooling and parenting goes hand in hand,not only schools or parents should do this,but also all of society as well.

求【雅思大作文】的修改和打分 本片作文错误连篇是肯定的,Some people think theat parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others,however,believe that school is the place to learn this.--------------------
"In current societies,it is universally accept that social ability is playing an increasingly dominant role in children’s life"
换成accepted
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"The issue of whether parents should shoulder the responsibility of establishing the talent of social or school should is of interest about many people"
"The issue of whether parents or school should shoulder the responsibility of establishing the talent of social life,is of interest about many people"
稍微懂了个手术,原来那个看的我有点迷糊.另外talent of social,social后面你得加个词阿...
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"However,as we all know,friendship is the cornerstone of the society,which needs putting people together,school can do this."
"However,as we all know,friendship is the cornerstone of the society,which is needed in order to put people together,and school can do this."
你说的"this"我不知道你是指学校可以把人放在一起还是学校可以创建friendship
如果你的意思是学校可以put people together那就这样就行了
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"That is not to say it is impossible to cultivate the children to be good members of society that parenting education"
"That is not to say it is impossible to cultivate the children to be good members of society by home educating."
这个parenting education(教人如何做家长)和home education(不上学校在家里学)可是两回事啊 我不知道你说的是哪个
我猜是第二个所以我给改了
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Parents can impart the experiences from themselves,which are more vivid than that knowledge from books.
这句里把"that knowledge" 换成 "the knowledge".错了你砖头砸我.
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"On the other hand,to be a good member of society demand students solve the problems between peoples."
"On the other hand,being a good member of society demands students to solve the problems among people."
among用在三个或者更多.between用在两个之间
人的复数是people,虽然也有用peoples的
剩下的你自看顺眼不顺眼.你让我说我也说不出个所以然来...
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The fact is that more often than not the experiences usually cannot to be practiced while after learning,because nobody counter-communicates with children.
我才疏学浅不知道这句话什么意思 但是这个看着变扭 more often than 后面是不是还应该有一个名词
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"As a conclusion"
"In conclusion"
这个看着更利索点
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"parenting absolutely not a unique way to teaching those children to be excelling members of society in the status quo."
"parenting is absolutely not the only way to teaching those children to become excelling members of society in the status quo."
unique = 特殊的,独特的,过了这个村没这个店的
not the only way = 不只这一个方式
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Thus,we should schooling and parenting goes hand in hand,not only schools or parents should do this,but also all of society as well.
Thus,we should let schooling and parenting goes hand in hand.Not only schools or parents should do this,but also all of society as well.
should 后面应该有一个动词 另外我不知道你最后两句话是不是联在一块的(看起来是)
如果是的话就不能跟第一句连着
我爪子麻了