Hello ,everyone I`m Li ,and am twenty five years old .I come from xxx and it have passed five years since I came to ShangHai .I am very glad to see everyone here .The things I`am fond of were so much ,including singing ,travel and sports and so on.Fi

Hello ,everyone I`m Li ,and am twenty five years old .I come from xxx and it have passed five years since I came to ShangHai .I am very glad to see everyone here .The things I`am fond of were so much ,including singing ,travel and sports and so on.Fi
Hello ,everyone I`m Li ,and am twenty five years old .I come from xxx and it have passed five years since I came to ShangHai .I am very glad to see everyone here .The things I`am fond of were so much ,including singing ,travel and sports and so on.Finally,I wish I could make an effort to do the best in the company .Thank you .
有错误么

Hello ,everyone I`m Li ,and am twenty five years old .I come from xxx and it have passed five years since I came to ShangHai .I am very glad to see everyone here .The things I`am fond of were so much ,including singing ,travel and sports and so on.Fi
the things i am fond of are so many , including singing ,travelling ,doing sports and so on. 其它的都还可以.还有 说年龄时那个are 可以去掉,要么加个I
希望能采纳

虽然不知道你要干什么，但我觉得写的不太好，怪怪的，好像有不少地方不顺畅，如果你的自我介绍是自己写的，我建议你去找找自我介绍模版修改一下，比起用模版，错误的英语更让人讨厌。
你可以找英语好的人帮你。

。。。。。。。。。。你想要做什么。或者，我能帮助你什么吗。in the company ？你是在。。。应聘？

①I`m Li ，and am twenty five years old 改为I`m Li ，and I am twenty five years old.
②The things I`am fond of were so much . 这句感觉好奇怪，首先不用用were，be fond of加名词，加宾语，或者be fond of doing something。虽然看出你想要倒...

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①I`m Li ，and am twenty five years old 改为I`m Li ，and I am twenty five years old.
②The things I`am fond of were so much . 这句感觉好奇怪，首先不用用were，be fond of加名词，加宾语，或者be fond of doing something。虽然看出你想要倒装，但是不知道那样对不对，还是直接用I am interested in many things比较保险。
③including singing 用such as
④including singing ，travel and sports 这边应该要保持一致。
⑤make an effort to do the best in the company这句也怪怪，不会改。 it have passed five years since I came to ShangHai 这句也是

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Good morning/ afternoon.
I'm Li. I 'm twenty-five years old. I come from _______. It has been five years since I came to Shanghai. I like singing, travelling, and playing basketball. Maybe we can go out to have fun at free time. I'll get familiar my work as quickly as I can. Have a nice day. Thank you!

Hello ，everyone ！I`m Li ，and am 这里需要加上主语I，楼上刚改的那个句子还有里travel最好改为travelling。